The Bitch From Hell

“She’s a bitch from hell,” my new neighbor said as she pointed to a house up the street the very first time I met her. I didn’t say anything because first of all, I was shocked but also I was clueless about the neighborhood politics and for all I knew the bitch from hell was standing right in front of me. “And, she has breast cancer which I think turned her world upside-down,” Dinah continued.

“Well, yeah,” I said, “maybe that’s why she’s a bitch from hell.”

“No!” she said, “She was like that before! And the guy in that house there,” she said, “is some kind of recluse. He’s an attorney and the only thing in his house is books. Tons of books and I’m pretty sure he’s gay. And those people next to your house recently got married and I’ve heard they scream and fight constantly and their dogs are a nightmare! Everyone including the mailman hate those dogs! The only reasonable one lives there but she’s a renter and you know how that goes; she’ll be gone before we know it!”

Dinah was so busy throwing the neighbors under the bus that she failed to notice her 70 pound dog Trevor, by way of greeting, was trying to hump my 100 pound dog Troy. I think that’s a way obnoxious male dogs attempt to establish dominance. Troy would have none of it and quickly set things straight. I was proud of him.

As it turns out, Dinah is not a bitch from hell; it’s just her personality to tell it like she sees it. I like her a lot. I see her often at the park walking Trevor while Troy and I play Frisbee and she always comes over for a little chat.

“Andrea,” she said one day, “what’s up with Troy?”

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“Every time he sees Trevor he stiffens up and growls aggressively. It’s like he doesn’t like Trevor.”

“He doesn’t like Trevor, Dinah. During the neighbor blow by blow the first time I met you Trevor tried to hump Troy and it pissed him off and I don’t think he is ever going to get over it. We are just going to have to live with it.” I said. “By the way,” I continued, “did you notice the bitch from hell moved out and the renter is still here?”

“Yes,” she said, “thank god!”

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