The Good Doctor

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“You have an umbilical hernia,” my doctor said laughing, “and the weird thing is, so do I.” My doctor laughs at just about everything, which utterly delights me. The first time I saw her, shortly after we moved here just over a year ago I was a complete wreck.

“I hate Dallas,” I said back then, “there is nothing beautiful here and the weather is a joke.”
She laughed and typed on her laptop.
“I miss the nature and wildlife in Scottsdale so much I could cry!” I moaned.
She laughed and typed.
“I used to be a public speaker and had audiences of three hundred; now I can’t make it to the grocery store without a half of my dog’s Xanax.”
Laugh and type.
“I cough all day, every day and I have horrible anxiety because I’m sure I have lung cancer!”
Laugh and type.
“I used to write management training programs for corporations, now I can’t sort out a recipe!”
Laugh, type.
Her laughing didn’t put me off. It made me think she didn’t think anything was wrong. When I was finished emoting she diagnosed me with “severe allergies” which apparently is very common in Dallas, said I probably had PTSD (which was confirmed by a therapist several weeks later), sent me for a chest x-ray to calm my nerves about lung cancer, and gave me some OTC allergy drug recommendations.

“So, what do we do about the hernia? “I asked, “What did you do about yours?”
“Well let’s wait and see. I just push mine back in from time to time.” she said, “and I just pushed yours back in. Let me know right away if you experience any new pain and if you do, we’ll think about surgery. But for now just carry on and exercise as you normally do, abs and all. But before you go,” she went on, “how are your menopause symptoms these days?”

I’m fine,” I said, “but I’m on hormone replacement therapy and you’re not and the last time I saw you, you were having a very rough time, so I’m wondering how your menopause symptoms are.

“Well,” she laughed, “I was drinking way too much red wine and I think it was making my hot flashes worse, so I switched to Scotch and I’m feeling soooo much better.”

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Be Strong AND Courageous!!

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The part of town I live in is called Preston Hollow. People here love to put signs in their front yards. You’ll see signs advertising the birth of a baby with the name and birth stats. Then of course they’ll be another sign saying “And big brother, Kyle!!!” so they don’t piss off the older kid by giving the baby all the attention and signs. I’ve seen a sign in front yards that says, “Mad For Plaid!” I had to ask Steve about that one and it’s about a local high school with a Scotsman as its mascot. Another important one says, “NO! Not in Preston Hollow, you don’t!!” It’s an angry sign in front of every 3 or 4 homes here. Apparently there is a developer who wants to build an 8 story building here. But, it’s sounding to me like these neighbors will have nothing to do with that kind of horseplay!

Finally, the one that was everywhere when I was at my weakest when we first moved here said, “Be Strong AND Courageous!” I think it’s a bible verse because it had all those numbers and symbols at the bottom which, correct me if I’m wrong, allows you to find it in the bible if you want to read it in addition to reading it on the hundreds of signs all around the neighborhood. That sign made me angry.

“NO!!” I would scream at that sign. “I can’t be strong OR courageous right now!! I’m trying as hard as I can but I can’t!! I would if I could, okay!?!”

Random Texas Musings

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When we first moved here we were driving down the main drag and I was looking at the compass on my FJ Cruiser and I said, “That’s weird, you’d think a major street like this would run North/South; this runs Northwest.”
“That’s why it’s called Northwest Highway,” Steve said.
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I don’t know where they come from but after it rains there are ducks swimming in tiny, little puddles wherever they can find them. You can see them at the side of the road, in the middle of a field or in someone’s side yard. It’s so sweet the way they find what they love and need wherever they can. Do humans do that? Or, do we worry and obsess that our puddles are too little?
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You see a lot of Lexus’ on the road. The people here love them because they rhyme…well, you know…
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Everyone sells fried chicken. I mean everyone; even Whole Foods. In Texas, fried chicken fits squarely into the health food category. That works for me.