YMCA Big Texas Hair

After we were in Texas for a couple months, I knew we both needed to join a gym for exercise and to control our stress. We checked out the trendy and expensive Equinox which overflowed with young, gorgeous people in expensive Nike outfits working hard on their glutes, abs and biceps while glancing around self consciously as the music pounded. I’m too old for this, I thought.

Then we checked out Gold’s Gym, which was filled with body builders who were groaning, flexing, dropping weights with a loud bang and grunt then sashaying around while the music blared. I’m too old for this, I was sure Steve was thinking.

Finally one day when Steve was at work, I saw an ad for the YMCA and wistfully remembered how much I loved those gay guys singing that song back in the day. So I went to check it out and I immediately loved it. There were young people, old people, fat people, skinny people, white people, black people, straight people, gay people, Nike people, Target people, but best of all, no music. And that makes perfect sense since everyone is listening to music with ear-buds these days anyway! I happen to like silence when I work out and find music at those already dreadful times annoying. The facility was newish, clean and cheap!

At my YMCA the yoga teacher, Susie, has big, blond Texas hair and wears a different sequined top to every class. The other day she was bummed because she couldn’t get a light in front of the class to go on and she said, “Ooooh, I’m so mad, I can’t get this light on and I want ya’ll to see my top!” She ended up going mat to mat so we each could see its brilliance. Then at the end of Savasana, the delightful ending ritual in every yoga class, while we were all flat on our backs and deeply relaxed, she said quietly and slowly, “Now ya’ll deepen your breath, begin to wiggle your fingers and toes, bring yourself back into the room, roll gently to your right and stay there a minute and when you’re ready, get up slowly, come to a comfortable seated position and fix your hair.” I’m not kidding but she was, however she was fixing her hair as she said it.
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Hey all ya’ll!

Several people in Texas have said, “I like your accent.” No one has ever said that to me before in my entire life. “It’s an intelligent accent.” one woman said. I don’t know what they are referring to. Granted, I don’t say “ya’ll” or “jus’ sayin’” or “fixin’ to leave” but does that constitute an accent?

Just recently I heard that in Texas slang “ya’ll” is singular and “all ya’ll” is plural. I couldn’t believe it. So when Steve and I bellied up to the bar at a trendy neighborhood restaurant I called the bartender over.

“Hello Sir,” I said.
“Good evening, ma’am……sir,” he nodded to Steve.
“Sir, I’m new to Texas and I just heard that “ya’ll” is singular and I’m struggling with that,” I said.
“Why are you struggling with it?” he asked perplexed.
“Well, I would think “ya’ll” means “you all” which would mean more than one person,” I said.
“Ma’am,” he said, “let me give you one piece of advice; don’t ever try to apply correct English grammar to Texas slang. Texas slag knows no rules. Just roll with it. Over time it will all make sense.”

Meanwhile, the “G” fell off the sign at Whole Foods for SHOPPING CARTS. So now it says SHOPPIN CARTS. They don’t bother fixin’ it because that sounds just fine to the people in Texas.

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Random Texas Musings

When we first moved here we were driving down the main drag and I was looking at the compass on my FJ Cruiser and I said, “That’s weird, you’d think a major street like this would run North/South; this runs Northwest.”
“That’s why it’s called Northwest Highway,” Steve said.
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I don’t know where they come from but after it rains there are ducks swimming in tiny, little puddles wherever they can find them. You can see them at the side of the road, in the middle of a field or in someone’s side yard. It’s so sweet the way they find what they love and need wherever they can. Do humans do that? Or, do we worry and obsess that our puddles are too little?
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You see a lot of Lexus’ on the road. The people here love them because they rhyme…well, you know…
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Everyone sells fried chicken. I mean everyone; even Whole Foods. In Texas, fried chicken fits squarely into the health food category. That works for me.