Wow. That Was Weird.

Life is so bizarre the way time marches on and next thing you know, you are not young anymore and things so foreign like not being able to eat onions, an occasional slight limp because of hip surgery, wanting to sit down and rest a little in the afternoon, avoiding crowds and noisy restaurants, the push up bra gathering dust, living in Texas and desiring sleep more than desiring dancing just somehow creep in.

Today is, of course, Valentines Day.  It is also my 17th wedding anniversary.  I cannot believe it’s been 17 years! While I have all the years of memories, in many ways my wedding day seems like a year ago.  I am blessed with a wonderful man who adores me and whom I adore and for the most part an amazing marriage.

The perspective of the young and that of the not so young couldn’t be more different.  I remember being young thinking I would never have a wrinkle and that somehow I was immortal.  That youthful attitude may be by divine design because young people have to stay very motivated to keep things moving as older people slow down and begin to realize the truth about living and dying.  I can’t remember who came up with the idea of Social Security, was it Franklin D. Roosevelt? Whichever president it was, he was thinking along those lines.   Once a few people you love die or survive something dire like the terrifying diagnosis of cancer and its treatment, your bad hair days suddenly don’t seem so tragic and your values and priorities shift tremendously.  Things that used to freak you out and that you were a control freak about like red wine on the rug, algae in the pool, a door ding on the car, a stain on your favorite sweater, a burnt Turkey at Thanksgiving or a broken fingernail are close to meaningless.

It is such a complete switch from what it felt to be young, that when people my age say, “I feel exactly the way I did at 29!” I have no idea what they are talking about.  I say, “Really? God, I feel the opposite of the way I did at 29.”  And for me, aging is not all bad.  I like slowing down, at the risk of sounding cliche, to take notice of a breathtaking sunset, to behold wildlife, to truly listen to someone I love, to watch the brilliance of ants at work, to write just for fun, to take that little rest in the afternoon and to tell my complete truth without fear.  I am also so comfortable in my own skin now that I don’t take notice of someone judging me because I am so clear that that judgment is not about me.  I no longer judge others and that is so freeing.  I naturally try to connect with people instead of compete with them.

Surely there is a method to this folly and I do believe in a higher power orchestrating this to some degree.  I think there are some people who are very clear on why we are here and what we are supposed to be doing.  I am not one of them.  I do the best I can but I’m bewildered a lot of the time.

My mom has a friend and somehow they got talking about what might be on their tombstones.  He knew exactly what would be on his.  Wow. That Was Weird.

25 thoughts on “Wow. That Was Weird.

  1. This was great. I can really appreciate what you are saying. I’m what you would call a late bloomer. It took me longer than most to learn some basic things. I went to university late, and I got married late, or at least later than a lot of people my age. My twenties were really unpleasent and I would not want to ever revisit that time in my life. I love that I’ve come out the other end relatively okay. And I agree with your mom’s friend: This whole show is weird.

    Liked by 3 people

    • Very weird show. So glad you came out better than relatively okay, John! For some reason I have felt a kindred spirit with you and now I’m starting to see why. I was a COMPLETELY late bloomer in everything, too. I ended up accomplishing more than I ever would have expected but it all started way later than it did for most people. I graduated college at about 28. I didn’t get married for the first time until the year I was to turn 40. I have some form of dyslexia and some things take me forever to learn or sort through. I think I was 43 before I understood east, west, north, south. Just imagine a map of the U.S. I said to myself one day….north is up, east coast is to the right and west coast is to the left. A life changer. I thought Chic-Fil-A was called Chic-A-Fil and couldn’t figure out for years why anyone would name a fast food place such a stupid name. So, there you have it, brother.

      Liked by 2 people

      • Oh man. I can relate to a lot of that. I have the same kind of issues with direction and what saved me was going to a strange city, buying a map, study the map, and make my way to destinations throughout the city. I see and write numbers backwards. So I have to be careful when paying the bills. I failed grade 3. It took me a long time to learn to write and read. But holy shit, once I learned to read I had the most amazing ability to remember and retain. Almost page for page everything I read and that is what saved me. But so many things I had to figure out on my own made for a late start. But I’m here now and I’m just glad I lived long enough to have the wonderful life I have now.

        Liked by 2 people

        • That is AWESOME!
          Sorry you flunked the third grade. That must have been devastating. It sounds like you are dyslexic! What happens is that you start out really slow in learning something but once you get it, you are kinda brilliant. At least that’s how it’s been for me and by what you describe about yourself, it sounds the same. I NEVER learned the multiplication tables. I could NOT do it. BUT, I learn to put my hands under my desk and use my fingers VERY quickly as an abacus (sp?) to come up with the answer. I understand that now kids are being taught to use their fingers that way when they need to! So, we both worked around our weaknesses and made it happen anyway. Human resilence is unbelievable.

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  2. Ann

    Life is weird and crazy and changing every day. I love that you are so able to express how you feel. And be so on target. Happy Anniversary to you and Steve! Hope it was a great day.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. David

    What a great essay on a topic that hits home to all of us. I experience many of the same feelings about youth and aging, as I just hit retirement. My 30s were my best decade, but now is good in many different ways. Thanks for articulating these common feelings and Happy Anniversary ….David

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I find myself staying awake longer at night worrying if I am going to die before I truly live…sunsets, good red wine, dog smiles, classic movies, I appreciate simplicity anymore. Ants, not so much unless they are outside. However I did have to laugh at myself over the weekend as I spent a good 5 minutes trying to corner a spider to take outside. Every since Mr. Buddha taught me that it was my mother in another life, I just can’t bring myself to squash her anymore…i guess that IS progress…maybe at 56 I really am maturing!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Haha. Loved this comment Kathy. I sometimes wonder if I’m truly living. I also do not marvel at ants in my house, only outside. HAHAHAHAHAHA. I have a spider rescue kit (a firm but thin piece of cardboard and a plastic cup) always at the ready to save insects and free them outside.

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