I Hate Starbucks

I know I’m not the only one, but whether it’s Dallas, Texas or Scottsdale, Arizona, Starbucks rubs me the wrong way. Jus’ sayin’ ya’ll. I came in here just to blog about how much I hate it. It feels weird with the sterile clean counters, snobby baristas, muffins the size of baseballs and espresso machines that sound like steam engines from the railroad of two centuries ago. I haven’t been in a Starbucks for years.

For starters, the regular coffee tastes like someone cremated the beans on a barbeque until they were blackened and charred. I can’t choke it down. Then, a few years ago, like fifteen maybe, they came out with “lite” coffee that made McDonald’s Joe taste like Moroccan espresso. And that was before McDonalds beefed up the strength of their coffee. So, I’m screwed here in terms of a plain cup of coffee for zero calories. I’ll need to peruse my other coffee options.

Let’s see, how about the Cinnamon Dolce Latte? A quick Google tells me it has 290 calories. Or, maybe the Iced White Chocolate Mocha? 360 calories a pop. Better yet, I could just go for it with the Peppermint White Chocolate Mocha for a cool 470 calories.

I’m getting a sinking Starbucks feeling in the pit of my stomach. It’s a conspiracy!! This is a cash cow scheme against unsuspecting citizens and the aforementioned citizens are falling for it! These are not coffees! These are decadent desserts, holiday treats, liquid pastries! Patrons are standing in a very long line thinking, yes, I’ll just have a little afternoon coffee pick-me-up. It’s not coffee, people! Why don’t you have that innocent looking, supposedly healthy, 640 calorie Zucchini Walnut muffin to go with it? Now your little coffee break is costing you 1,110 calories!

Okay, then we have the sizes. I can order Solo, Doppio, Short, Tall, Grande or Vente. What’s up with these size names? How about extra small, small, medium, large and so on? Are they trying to give this experience an ethnic feel or give the baristas a reason to laugh when I try to pronounce these? I resent having to learn foreign words to order coffee. Its like ring tones these days; what ever happened to ding-a-ling-a-ling? And why don’t “short” and “tall” get fancy, across-the-pond names? Are they discriminating against short and tall?

Finally, I hate the way these Starbucks customers stare at their screens, clicking and clacking trying to look like they are serious, important and working. If they had a job, they wouldn’t be here on a Thursday afternoon at 2:00 pm. It’s unlikely this many people are entrepreneurs! As for me, after years in the corporate world, my jobs now are volunteering at the zoo, playing tennis and working out, taking care of my house, husband and dogs and writing for my blog. That’s why I’m staring at my screen, clicking and clacking.

While you are now surely clear that Starbucks in Texas is as bad as anywhere else, you might be wondering what I ended up with. I’m drinking a tall, decaf, non-fat, no-foam latte. They call it the “Why Bother, Ya’ll”. Now that’s a cool name and it’s the only thing I don’t hate about Starbucks in Texas.

30 thoughts on “I Hate Starbucks

  1. Laura

    “Why Bother, Ya’ll”, really? That’s great! It hints of a sense of humor……do they really call it that? The Starbucks in Santa Monica calls the tall drink with the milk foam peak, “Zen in the Himalayans”. 😉

    Liked by 1 person

  2. We have a Starbucks in our building. The staff are really, really, nice. The coffee shop that was there before had a gaggle of really sour faced young girls working the counter. Starbuck coffees are RICH. Man, I drink one of those and I can skip meal and not feel hungry.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I am so glad I am not the only person who hates Starbucks! I have had a personal boycott on them since they opened. Ridiculous place, ridiculous coffee, ridiculous prices, and – well, the people are pretty amusing. The only times I have ever been in a Starbucks is because a friend wanted to go there. I have never liked their coffee. Burnt is a perfect description of what it tastes and smells like in there.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. tim elsner

    Couldn’t agree more about Starbucks…my visits there have been few, and once I HAD to go because of a power outage and it was a convenient location to get online. I couldn’t believe how distracting and loud the machines are there. I guess regulars tune it out? I ordered a MEDIUM size of the “mildest coffee you have” out of guilt. Refuse to call it by their silly “Tall, Vente, Grande” names, or whatever…

    Liked by 2 people

  5. My favourite Starbucks coffee is a “buy some decent beans and make it at home for far less than $1.90 for an Americano”. I am totally with you on the Starbucks-loathing bandwagon. Overpriced, overroasted, overdone over-the-top-ness I can certainly do without. When I was in the UK recently, I discovered (well, frequently visited) Costa Coffee. Same idea, but FAR better coffee. (I like mine strong and tasty.)

    If you like weak-ass coffee shop coffee, you should see if there’s a Tim Horton’s anywhere near you. It’s a Canadian chain that started out east in Ontario and wormed its way west to BC about ten years ago. The best I can say about their coffee is that it’s popular. To me, it’s like brown water with grit in it, and can only be drunk with plenty of milk and sugar in it. (And I don’t put sugar in my coffee anymore.)

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I love my Keurig! I used to have a coffee machine that ground the beans fresh, very che-che! This Keurig is great, I can pot in a pod, make it strong or weak, and pop it out – wha-la! Clean as a whistle!

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Pingback: Symbiotic Relationship | ADVENTURES

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