“Okay, this is going to hurt a little,” my new aesthetician said as she ripped hot wax off my upper lip.
“OW!” I cried.
“I know, I know, I’m sorry,” she said pressing hard onto my lip with her sterile gloved fingers.
I just met Linda for the first time today and we hit it off. She is pretty, thin and girly and we laughed a lot. She is also an artist so her little skin care studio is filled with her art in various mediums. She makes intricately detailed greeting cards, beautifully adorned gift-card holders, remarkable heart sculptures, lovely paintings and jewelry.
“It’s awesome that you are an aesthetician and also an artist,” I commented.
“I’m also a handyman,” she blurted out.
Being as feminine as she is, I thought that was a hilarious joke and I laughed out loud.
“I’m not kidding,” she said, “and I’m not talking about changing light bulbs.”
“What?” I said.
“Yeah, my father was a builder and starting at age 3, I was his gofer. By the time I was 8 I knew the names of all the tools and was learning to build, install, repair, do drywall, woodworking and painting. By the time I was 20 I could do just about anything. I installed that sink, garbage disposal, faucet and cabinetry,” she said pointing to a corner in her studio.”
“Are you serious?” I said astounded.
“Yes,” she said, “I can do your micro-derma abrasion, your eyebrow waxing and your drywall repairs!”
“Wow,” I said, “how convenient!”
We continued to chat while she worked on my face. I learned she’s been in Dallas for 20 years, is divorced and doesn’t mind being single. Linda has a little dog whom she adores and sometimes dates through Match.com which happens to be headquartered here.
“You know”, she said, “when you are out of your forties you can’t hope to meet men at bars.” I loved the way she said ‘out of your forties’ instead of ‘into your fifties.’ “Men that age who are at bars are looking for much younger women.” I agreed with her.
“Yeah, I’m meeting one tomorrow,” she said.
“One?” I laughed.
“Yeah, one,” she said, “that’s what I call these Match.com guys until I know more about them. They usually don’t last for more than a couple weeks when their psychosis start to show up. The one tomorrow will be interesting,” she continued, “his profile was so impressive! He’s a card carrying Mensa, he’s very athletic, he’s interested in Eastern Philosophy and other really esoteric stuff and he sounds like a lot of fun. When I read his profile to my friend, Sarah, she said she wanted to date him! But then I showed her his picture.”
Linda went on to describe how the one tomorrow has a beard, which is about 2 inches across at the bottom of his chin and then sticks about 4 inches straight downward. She said it was so weird that he had that beard while everything else seemed so perfect. So, Sarah told Linda that all she has to do is wait until he wants to have sex and say, “Dude, everything is working for me here, but the beard has to go.”
“Well,” Linda said to me, “Maybe I should meet the beard before I start scheming.”
“Yeah,” I said, “go meet the beard first.”